People understand Mahabharat as an epic story of war....But the truth is each one of us is fighting a war every single second...We are fighting a war with our own selves....Have we never recognized the wrong within us? Mahabharat is nothing but the war of external factors versus the conscience. If conscience is the pure manifestation of God himself, then Mahabharat is occuring within ourselves.And let us not think that our ''Good'' morals and principles makes things easy for us....

• In fact our principles, be they good or bad, create big obstacles in our path and the courage to abide by these is what renders us our spirit. Did you think Duryodhan had no principles??? He had his own principles of being adamant and he stuck to them.....Kaal or Samay decides where the result leads us.
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•  There is a Dhritrashtra within every one of us: The blind side which we have never been exposed to,
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• There is a Gandhari within everyone of us (Which is worse): The side we are exposed to, but we choose to ignore.
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• There is an urge to stick to our own principles which is represented by Pitamaah Bheeshma.
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• The Yudhishthir within us stands for justice morals and tolerance, but when the same aspect is manipulated till the extent of being tortured, the inner war, which in Krishna's language is inevitable, breaks out.
• We have the urge to stand for our own selves, support logic, knowledge, intelliegence and improvement on the path of humility which is represented by Draupadi.
• All these characters within us battle amongst each other to reach something called Krishna....The Ultimate.....(Which is not God, in plain language: It is much beyond that). We are all undergoing evolution at each step......It does not matter whether you are Yudhisthir, Arjun, Duryodhan or Draupadi, the fact is when your goal is moving towards the ultimate which is within, around and all over you, you just need to define who you are.

• I'll just narrate my life incident:''Tuesday, Mar 6, 2012: I receive an email stating that I need to write an urgent essay for which I am being paid and this happens exactly at the time when i am researching for my PhD proposal and collecting previous researches before an important meeting. I could have delayed the meeting and written for money; The HRR did not contact me for one month for obvious reasons pertaining to disappointment. It was a difficult month :He had written to me about the increase in payment and I still refused. There came a point when I had written about a research work in 3 flat hours and yet my pay was cut down.....The only character to rise within me was Draupadi who could not stand injustice. I wrote them back that my own principles and committment was more important than anything else....
• ''I do not know what would have happened after that, but today I am able to walk with a raised head and full self-dignity. I may stammer, I may get nervous in social situations, but my spirit has never learnt to support or stand by the wrong thing........At the same time, the adamant attitude has to be controlled when you are raising your head against what you think is right and what you think is wrong....My purpose of writing this note is not to propagate a moral, spiritual or a religious discussion: The purpose is to realise the broader message behind an obvious story....I guess, that is all for today's note writing!!
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• Love and regards,
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• Phoram Trivedi

......Incomplete is Okay (To: Roopa Ma'am & Tanima di)

This post is dedicated to two people: Tanima di and Roopa Ma'am..........

Tanima di

Tanima di does not even know me......has never met me, has never interacted with me except for some conversations on facebook & the fanpage. Despite that, I must say it is very magnanimous on her part to consider me, a total stranger to get my most basic of messages across to Roopa Ma'am. I might not have been able to explain in words the weird connection I have been living with since the past 18 years of my life, I am only 23.....which means the time I started living with this was when I was 5 years old; a very small kid. My words shall never even come out because I cannot explain it. Even the people I talked to waived off the topic because it sounded strange. One person who put trust in me then was my non-blood related brother Ravi and the second person was Tanima Di. I may not get my answer to the question I have been pursuing since the past 18 years, but Tanima di's acceptance has made me feel good about myself and the experience in itself. Tanima di always tells me not to say thanks because it might not have been a great thing, but if it pertains to a circumstance that has been dominant since past 18 years in my life and the moment for which I had been waiting to grow up to a considerably mature age came because of Tanima di. 

Maybe I would have seen Roopa Ma'am even if she had not been into acting......And you had the goodness to believe in me despite not knowing me at all. I promise you all my goodwill and my Grandpa's blessings for you.... :) :) :)

Roopa Ma'am: 

Wasn't it a different moment altogether  when I realised that I was on the phone with someone on the other end whose existence had been following me since past 18 years without any specific reason????? 

It was more than everything I could compile because it was then I realised how long I had been waiting and it was a bloody long period of 18 years. Now that I was on the phone, I also realised the reasons behind leading an introverted life: just filled by my work, studies and research: Nothing else. I knew because of me staying mostly all alone since my grapndpa's death and grandma's declining mental health. I hardly spoke to a soul except some few people here and there. I told my story to Ravi, my lovely brother and he asked me to be brave for once. I tried, I called, I tried to be brave but it was the gravity of the experience that had shaken me up from head to toe. Roopa ma'am is such a magnanimous personality. I wouldn't even want to write words of appreciation here because there are millions who can express her goodness better than me.......I could not even speak, leave alone writing. But, to see that Roopa ma'am spent her precious time to talk to me for 25 long minutes was more than a flood of overwhelming feeling for me. 

I have never ever spoken to anyone like this and nor has anyone understood my inner picture like Roopa ma'am did. I remember people still considering me a bit off the track because I usually cannot express well, or I cannot talk about how I feel, but Roopa ma'am gave a new meaning to my introverted behaviour in a positive direction. Could anyone else have done that??? I am such a dumb person that I could not even narrate this incident properly to my own mother......Just the superficial parts depicted well.....The core of the conversation was all I can encompass as the meaning of my re-discovery of life. Maybe no one would know it but God does...(Although he just gives the experiences, quite refusing to explain them).

Knowing that Roopa Ma'am and I are on plateaus that are as different as cloud and an ocean, I can thank my God for giving me one experience that partly made me feel good about myself and feel a lot good about God being the constant force and source of inspiration in my lonely existence. Today, I do not want any answers from God like I have been asking him since past 18 years......There might be something pertaining to a level of spirituality that is beyond my intellect....Whatever will happen now will only be God's wish.

It has strengthened my resolve to be a good human first and true to myself before I can ask anyone for anything....

Two of us have always been the best of friends.......God and myself.....He is with me from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. Do I need to provide any substantial evidence when my profile picture itself speaks a lot about our friendship and companionship?

Today I am writing to God because he sent me great help in form of a technician called 'David'---an absolute epitome of ''a helpful guy''...... :) :)

Even as I am writing this ''note'', He has shown me a view of His divine presence. All I know is even if I shed tears during the day, He will never let me go to bed in tears.....By the end of the day, something or the other does happen in which I can sense his presence.

He has taught me the most important thing of human life i.e ''To be a good human being and to bear the best of will towards loved ones''. I cannot guarentee that I have been a success as a student, a professional, a worker or a volunteer at NHS....All I can guarentee is that God has helped me become a good human and whenever I go wrong in the minorest of my being, He takes the liberty to punish me and show me that I have gone wrong here. Each punishment given by him is severe.....but each punishment has made me more refined as a human being....

He has given me the best parents, great brother, good family and a nice handful of caring and loving friends......What more can I ask for?

(PS: Facebook and facebook apps are not the gift of God, as entertaining as they may sound)

I am living my life as any other normal 22 year old research specializing student, but I know I have an X-Factor and that X factor is God.....When I have this big factor to assure me everytime, I do not need to worry about anything....

I will keep walking on a road of endless destination.......

You know 24th December is special when..........(40 Top reasons)

1. The living room actually becomes a (Living room: The place to live). Spending 20/24 hours on the sofa set

2. You realise that miracles and hazards happen simultaneously: (PS: Beginning with the inner door getting locked from inside on the Christmas day)

3. Winter with snow results in eating over spiced food which makes you sit with windows open even when the temperature outside is -2 degrees

4. You are obsessed with the idea of having ''Undhiyu'' on Uttarayan and a sweet-cum-bitter person makes it a point to accompany you to purchase a tin of Undhiyu from the market

5. Someone scares you to death while you are watching Madhuri Dixit's 100 days....

6. You begin ''exploring life'' with Jai Jharkhandi and Nagpuri songs (Starring ''Jaan de dega Manoj), Spider man and Rickshawala.

7. You realise that 2 of you can combat harsh winter by utilising one single purple coat! (LMAO)

8. You have to literally bring sleep to your eyes: Rather than sleep comming naturally.

9. Sheila ki Jawani, Munni Badnaam hui become the hot item numbers you want to see almost every day

10. Your day actually starts after having dinner (LMAO)

11. The entry of Punjabi songs (beginning with Amplifier) ruins your peaceful life.

12. You slowly start adopting different choices of songs and need to carry headphones to avoid the Punjabi songs torture (PS: The headphones eventually get snatched away from you).

13. You get to realise each other's true colours and laugh at the fact that you thought of each other as ''sophisticated, studious and quiet'' individuals initially

14. Gujarat-Maharashtra campaigns in India help in generating some super-duper politically motivated conversations.

15. You realise that you can make fun of each other now: And that too as openly as you want: Taking liberty with each other becomes a RIGHT!

16. You are forced to watch Pumbeeri dance at 1 pm....

17. You suddenly realise that you take your landlord as a living joke and a live bait...(Not allowing him to enter the house: And lying openly)
PS: Still you get to hear remarks like ''You bring illegal immigrants to the house''

18. More people become members of the house and you realise that a 5-member house, becomes a 6 member house and then gradually ends up with 10 people in the house....Over-crowded literally

19. Bin checks and dealing with black bin bags becomes a hard responsibility and headache....

20. You are christined with the name 'Ghussa' by someone in honour of the super cool black bin bags that you place at the backyard and because they don't get picked up, you bring them upstairs one by one......

21. Despite you performing work beyond your responsibilities, you get badly scolded by  neighbours and your closest friend does not know what to do (laugh at you or support u)

22. The kitchen is the worst place for your sight to behold each morning....And at night, you realise, you cannot go to sleep without wiping off the utensils

23. The washing machine runs literally 24X7 and you often wonder how many garments each member of the house posesses.

24. You end up getting accustomed to dinner prepared by someone......Literally getting served into the plate.....

25. Mangoes, puran polis, Khakras and Dhoklas become the special varieties of life

26. You being a Gujarati realise that the Gujarati Amplifier is better sung by someone who is a non-Gujarati.

27. You reach the Indian Mela when the last performance is just about to end.....Yet clicking pictures individually and in a group becomes mandatory.

28. You get into the habit of naming each and every thing (Ducks in the park, utensils and house hold appliances).

29. You get locked outside the house and are allowed to enter only after listening to and singing back the ever horrid ''Door ni Khulni''

30. You sing at the top of your voice (despite your friend telling you not to). A third party comes rushing downstairs to see whether someone was crying or not....

31. You record songs on your birthday eve and that end up being the best birthday eve ever......

32. You are motivated to write Gujarati-marathi lyrics for Raj Thackeray and Narendra Modi's union campaign....

33. Your use of complicated english words is laughed at by someone.....and yet that ends up in adapting to ''Word of the day'' phenomenon.

34. Your birthday card reads ''Kuukeeeee kukeeee'' (One more together-stuff on the block)

35. You makee coffee for someone and it is 'APPRECIATED' (One of the rare things)

36. You spend half your life explaining to someone the differences between 'Naal' and 'Vichch'

37. Your two trusted friends back in Ahmedabad start supporting Punjabi campaigns

38. Lebara to lebara free calls are made the best use of: U message each other despite beiing in the same house:
(PS: It helps when u need to turn on the heater, that really doesn't work for more than 2 minutes because a ''hated-party'' turns it off)

39. You share a 'Boyish type' of friendship where hurling insults, fighting and snatching becomes highly prominent...You have to kick your friend at least once a day.

40. There is no end to madness.....and co-incidences too....(PS: yeah, co-incidences too)

Change: The only permanence

There is nothing as inevitable in this universe as change is........Nature changes, living things change, people change and most importantly it is life that changes. We can accept the major or minor ''alterations'' that take place every now and then, but change is quite massive a terminology to accept......especially when it pertains to people and more so when it comes to people you love. I have changed too and that too in a drastic manner. I recall myself a couple of years ago as I consume my milk with turmeric powder to heal the pain resulting from a muscular injury. Sharp pain indeed......

I do not want to let out an impression that my physical pain has triggered some kind of serious bygone events and their memories to come up in flesh and blood like it normally happens in Bollywood and Hollywood movies. The only focus of my mind is ''change''. Two days back I met a person who happened to be a classmate....not more than an acquaintance.

''My God, you have changed!!''

I am already puzzled by this word ever since I started encountering people who uuse it. Yes, I have changed from a fiesty tomboyish teen who ran to socialise with everyone to a double sided introvert who has hardly socialised in 3 years except normally conversing with parents and a handful of chosen friends. Friends fall into ''chosen'' categories nowadays whereas previously the entire world was ''friends'' with me. It is not bad or sad or unhappy through the course of time. Hmmm.....Let me say I am the same old guitar with new strings now and strings are what render permanance to the instrument in spite of the body remaining the same.

..... Doubtlessly, it is experiences that give the new strings to any old guitar.....Ommph....did I personify the guitar too much???!!!

I haven't lost the dull edged sense of humor or that smile I smiled seven years back or the irritated frown once a day.

Why must I be irritated with those who have noticed a change when I myself am slow to accept changes. I want things to remain the same through the course of time.....I want people to remain the same through years and I love to accustom myself to the morbid old routine....I have always tried to prevent change from occuring....tried my best.....but time's stood as the better candidate over my wishes.

Now just look, a moment before these thoughts invaded my mind, it was a nice summer sunset in the city skies, but now I can see Morpheus spreading the blanket of darkness......and not to forget, the mug of milk is almost empty. See, the change? It broke the cozy series of thoughts dipped into the history of my life...but it was meant to occur.
:) :)